Single parenting: would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Munchkin has to get up at 6.40am for the nursery run three days per week.  Or rather I stand there for 30 seconds feeling guilty and terrible about it and then try and rouse her from her slumbers.  The poor thing is whisked out of bed, into her clothes, into the car and dropped at nursery before she can say “hey mum, what the flippin ‘eck are you trying to do to me here’.

Blissfully we have a later start on Mondays and Fridays and when left to her own devices munchkin will sleep in until about 7.30am or so.  If she wakes sooner, sometime around 7am, we’re into the habit me putting her in with me for a sleepy cuddle and nuzzle before getting up around 8am.

This morning she awoke at 7am crying which is very unlike her.  So I padded into her room, scooped her up in her grobag and took her back to my bed.  Unusually as I was dozing next to her I noticed she’d rolled over onto her side and was staring at me intently.  So intently that I couldn’t doze anymore and so gazed back into her gorgeous brown eyes.  This went on for about 20 minutes.  It was beautiful.  Peaceful.  Otherworldly.  Moments like this remind me of the closeness of carrying her during my pregnancy.  The bond is so strong I could almost weep.

Eventually I got up and unzipped her grobag.  At which point the beautiful moment vanishes as I see that her nappy has leaked – just pee – but all down one side of her pjama leg.  I feel terrible and hurry to get her stripped down, washed and into a clean nappy and clothes.

I’m aching for her to talk.  I felt so awful.  That she would lay there not saying anything, just gazing at me and waiting for me to take some action is incredible.  Most children would have been screaming by then.  I’m not wishing her life away but I yearn for her to be able to communicate to me when she needs something.

When she was newly born I (in my ‘I’m still a rocker and go to festivals’ denial phase) I refused to learn any nursery rhymes.  I used to sing Coldplay’s Yellow or Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars to get her to sleep.  This moment, with her love and patience as she lay next to me, reminded me of that Snow Patrol song.  It’s something I need to remember more often when I let life get to me:

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

I love that girl so must I could burst.


3 Responses to “Single parenting: would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

  1. 1 Hayley March 15, 2010 at 8:45 am

    Aww what an amazing moment! Thank you for sharing that! I wish J would lie still long enough for times like that! He did when he was younger lol.

    J was a v late talker but no doubt once she does she wont stop 😀

  2. 2 supersinglemum March 18, 2010 at 10:44 am

    This is such a beautifully moving post – I love the way kids make us feel so much love for them just through their eyes!!!

  3. 3 motherappeaser March 18, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Thanks both. They are precious moments to cherish. Moments like this make all the strain worthwhile!

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